Long Hydrocarbon Chains of Grief

I was sitting on the porch behind Chelsea's. It's a good place here in Baton Rouge; to sit down with some friends; have a nice chat; listen to the live band wafting in from the other side of the glass door; through which you can see a collective little crowd of people. And it occurred to me that all our griefs must be hydrocarbon chains; if they had physical existence. And the length of the hydrocarbon chains should be directly proportional to how sad you were. The more the extent of your grief the more complicated the structure of your grieving hydrocarbon. Now there are two reasons behind this apparently fantastical idea striking my head.
Firstly Alcohol, which I had had enough of by that time of the evening; that is if 1 o' clock in the morning qualifies as evening in your book like it does in mine. And we all know what extraordinary results a few glasses of that can bring about. But the second and the more logical reason is Alcohol.
Ah well! if you are lost right now do not fret, you will see my point soon enough. If all of it seems too hard to imagine, go get yourself a peg or two of your favorite ale and tag along with me. My primary question to myself was, why does one feel better when one has had a few pegs? Why does one forget one's griefs, one's pasts and all that is so wrong after a pint? Why no one has ever tried to drown their sorrows in copious amounts of water? The answer my friends must be the fact that our worries and griefs must be long chains of complex hydrocarbons; which are almost always non polar. And water being a polar solvent can according to the laws of nature only dissolve polar molecules in it. Alcohol on the other hand is a much more versatile solvent because it has both polar and non polar groups. It thus dissolves and carries away all our organic sorrows. And you loose them when you visit "the john". Now just because you know this do not go ahead and order a gallon of your favorite industrial solvent, that stuff will kill you. Alcohol on the other hand will not, albeit under moderation given you like me know your limits.